Very forgetful off antidepressants?

Ever since I stopped antidepressants a few months ago, I have been getting more and more forgetful about things. I forget where I'm going when I'm driving, I forget if I have money and how much, I forget to eat, and I work at a stable part time, and yesterday I forgot to turn off the hose and made a small Nile river in the barn area, I forget to turn off lights, close gates, etc which gets me in trouble too. I forget to FOCUS. I drift off into lala land ALL the time, and forget what I'm doing, why I went into a room, etc. It's so bad that when I am switching radio stations, I switch usually only once before I go into lala land and then wonder why I'm annoyed at what I'm listening to. This daydreaming this really frustrating and the forgetfulness is getting to the point where people are getting annoyed with me it feels like. I mean, I was on antidepressants for ten years. Is this some sort of brain damage caused by them? Do I have ADD and not realize it? Did the antidepressants cover that up? I didn't have ADD as a teenager. Anyways, I am also dealing with a lot of things like learning who I am off of the medicine. I was in therapy for 6 years while on the med learning to overcome social anxiety and now that I'm off the medicine I feel like I have to relearn all my therapy because things are new again. I have been trying to ward off depression by taking 5htp and st. johns wort. It works some. I have also been using my therapy skills. I cry sometimes at night, though not every night. My anxiety is worse in situations I would have remained calm in if I was on medicine. Like, this morning when I was at my boyfriend's house getting ready for work and realized I forgot my pants. I live 45 mins away so I got realllyyy upset. I got mad at my bf (I don't know why) and myself and stopped talking. He said it would be best if I just laughed the situation off, called work and told them I would be late, and went home to get pants. But I just shut down and when he walked me out to the car, I was still acting mad and I apologized, bust into tears and cried all the way home, where I called work, told them I was sick and can't come in. I mean Jeez, where IS my head? Then I slept until 3 pm bc I'm so emotionally exhausted and I couldn't think anymore. I am not getting back on antidepressants unless God holds a sign in front of me that clearly says: FAIL. I want to try to live off of medicine bc it made me someone I was not, I didn't care about anything, and had all sorts of crappy side effects even on a low dose. Someone help me with my questions, please? I don't have money to go to my therapist and I miss her. I've been very tearful lately, which I read sometimes happens when you are learning to live off antidepressants. I feel like everything is building up and I need to talk, but I can't. I just know the next time I actually can afford to go to therapy, I won't know how to consolidate everything into only an hour, and I'll probably just cry and won't even know where to start. Help, thanks...